Emotions pt.2

It's getting harder...........

I just want to curl up in a little ball and die..........

I just can't seem to get a handle on my emotions...........

I want to cry ALL the time..........

I feel SO worthless..........

unloved............

unwanted...........

a burden............

What is there truly to love about me? I'm fat........unattractive........not the smartest person..........

I need to feel needed, wanted, LOVED!!! DAMN IT!!!

I feel so damaged..........so fragile............

Will I ever get what I need for a change?

I feel so alone...........

...............will this never end...............?

Emotions

There are so many emotions that I am going through right now. Some of them are happiness, sadness, devastation, excitement......and a lot of turmoil. On one day one emotion would outweigh the others and on another day another emotion will be triumphant. And through all this I am trying to lose weight.......fast. This doesn't help my emotional state, either. I have such a terrible self-view of myself. I feel fat, worthless, unwanted and unneeded a lot of the time. I do have my good days, too, though.

Emotional turmoil is hard.......so very hard........

I admit.......I have had thoughts now and again of making it all stop. Could I truly do it?.......I doubt it. Emma would be my biggest concern. I don't think I could truly do that to her. She needs her mommy.

I have battled these thoughts and emotions for a few years now. Are they stronger at this time? It could possibly be because I am having a much stronger bout of PMS this month. I don't know. It is hard to talk about this to ANYONE. You want to keep the emotions close to you so they aren't trampled on or dismissed as not being important or irrational. I hate it when people say, "Oh, you are just being irrational." Well, the emotions are rational to me.

I'm dealing with this the best that I can. Please, everyone, be patient with me. This might all blow over.......this is something that I just have to work out myself.